The Rooster

I finished and submitted a second short story today, and it ended up turning out a lot better than I had expected. Initially, I began writing about a young woman first arriving at the shores of New York City from an impoverished nation (somewhere in Europe), but beyond that, a story just wouldn’t develop. So I scratched the idea, writing only the opening paragraph, and began thinking about what I really wanted to write about. And that was easy after I watched a clip of a guy eating alone in an American diner. I got to thinking, The first detective story I’ve ever written won a competition, why not just continue writing detective/crime stories and be as noir as I possibly can? So after writing my second detective short, I’ve now decided to analyze the finished product, and perhaps understand the thinking behind my writing process. Hopefully it’ll help me improve.

-When I start writing a new story, I usually come up with a very very broad title to use mainly as a placeholder, and sometimes, forgo the title all together. I find that putting too much thought into the title without first finishing the story inhibits the potential creativity and wayward path that the story can take. And in the beginning of the process, I never map out the entire plot in my mind, only brief scenes here and there.

-I start with the protagonist of the story looking out the window of a diner, introducing his name and a brief background of his status and occupation, which infers his young age. The bald man he watches is simply referred to as “the man” in order to leave readers comfortable with the protagonist, Colonel, and hopefully take his side through future events. The man’s name, Marvin, is only revealed once he begins talking and joins Detective Colonel Vogel.

-The shimmering red lights that appear on Marvin’s forehead before he enters the diner is an obvious foreshadow, but it also serves to provide imagery of the darkness outside allowing the neon sign to visibly reflect. I could also say that the reflection of light symbolizes the false intentions that Marvin has in store (but perhaps we should just stick with the imagery and foreshadowing).

-The soggy newspaper acts as a recognizable place-marker to open and close the story.

-The first thing Marvin mentions is Colonel drinking iced tea instead of coffee—it’s peculiar, especially on a rainy late night/early morning in the middle of winter. The reason he doesn’t drink coffee is because symbolically, he’s the Rooster. He doesn’t want and doesn’t need to drink coffee, even at a 24 hour diner.

-Marvin asks for an extra coffee cup from the waitress. The Detective says he doesn’t drink coffee, but Marvin insists. At this point I’m trying to write interesting characters and interesting dialogue. The connections come afterwards. And I’ve read what I’ve got multiple times at this point, and the feeling isn’t all that great. But it rarely starts off how you want it to (cause you really don’t know what you want at the start).

-Marvin calls Colonel, chicken, due to an anecdote Colonel told him a while back. I decide not to go into the anecdote itself, because it’ll derail the story and break the pacing. But it’s easy to tell that the anecdote somehow reflects Colonel’s chicken-like quality, whether he’s easily startled, etc. The anecdote could also be a fabricated story he tells to make people like Marvin like and trust him.

-Marvin reminds the waitress of the extra coffee cup, building up suspicion. What’s the deal with the coffee cup?

-Before Colonel starts eating, I have the two characters display their little quirks, so they become more realistic, believable, and most importantly, interesting. Marvin jokes about Colonel eating chicken (sense of humor), insults Germans (arrogant), crosses his burly arms (physique/attitude), and stares perversely (nature). Colonel slices his meat before eating (ritualistic), ignores Marvin’s joshing (solemn), and grows tense (easily stressed).

-After Colonel finishes eating, Marvin’s smile disappears. In the back of my mind, I had the idea that Marvin, in some very small way or another, has grown fond of the kid and feels obligated to at least let him finish his “last” meal.

-Marvin gives his BS reason as to why he called Colonel out while the Detective’s easily tensed body starts to act up. The Boss is Marvin’s brother, which I found necessary in order to set up the situation at the end. If Marvin wasn’t the Boss’s brother, then Colonel would definitely have no qualms shooting him immediately.

-Marvin shows frustration at the timing of the waitresses not bringing out the coffee cup. At this point, I know exactly how the story is going to pan out and end.

-At the climax, like a timely superpower, Colonel’s spasm kicks in, saving his life and springing him into action. The twitching obviously reinforces his chicken like qualities. During the gunfight, I tried to make the scene as exciting as I could by minimizing comma usage and following every action immediately with another. I feel like I did a pretty good job at the imagery of bloodshed and pacing here.

-If it wasn’t obvious before, Marvin’s outcry makes it 100% clear that the criminal group that Marvin is a part of has recently found out that Colonel has been acting undercover, and the emphasis on the coffee cup is made clear as well.

-Marvin’s attitude is, as it was before, arrogant and even a bit pretentious—he barely shows any fear when a gun is pointed at his face.

-“We’re all raised to die—eventually.” Another reference to chickens, but it’s a believable line to hear in this situation.

-Detective Colonel Vogel kills Marvin before he is called a chicken one last time, shunning the term, and thereby, proclaiming himself as the Rooster. The soggy newspaper makes an appearance, tying together the story.

-With the sun rising and light shining through the window, Colonel calls out like a rooster but personalizes it with his most recent action—"Cock-a-doodle-bang."

After writing this story, I realized that I should finish the collection with the rest of the animals. My end goal would be to publish a short story collection / novella of these stories.