Congratulations!
In the late night of December 22nd (2014), I decided to take a break from Korean films to watch a British drama/comedy, Happy-Go-Lucky. I picked out this movie because it stars one of my favorite Hollywood actress, Sally Hawkins. (I thought she was amazing in Blue Jasmine, but let me stop myself and save this for another post). And it was one of those films filled with intense drama that made me think of how volatile life can be—it all really depends on your personality and outlook. So I went to sleep, feeling both enlightened and satisfied. Little did I know I would soon receive an email that didn’t start off with “Thank you for sending us…” and end with “…We wish you the best of luck…”
I checked my email first thing upon waking up and I, like, couldn’t even; it just didn’t seem real. I was expecting another rejection letter, but this one started with “Congratulations!” It’s such a strange feeling, because a couple of months back, I thought if I win a competition or get published, then that’s it, I’m set. But it doesn’t really work like that, does it? I realized that this email was just a confirmation that my writing isn’t just personal crap that only Alex and I view in the highest esteem. (Most writers probably know what I mean, the feeling that something you type down can’t possible be any good, because it’s something YOU typed yourself. But to see “The Dragon and the Snake,” one of my precious compositions (if not the most precious... Gollum, Gollum), labeled as the best crime story in the Writer’s Digest Popular Fiction Awards was an immense boost in reassurance. However, I already feel the confidence in my writing slipping away as I type these words.
If my story won, then how good were the others? How many stories did I beat and dreams did I keep caged down to perhaps never see any sort of much-needed recognition? What made the judges choose MY story?
But you can’t really think these thoughts, can you, or else it’d be an insult to all of the other writers. But at the same time, I didn’t want the win to get to my head and elate it. And so I read through my story, many many times. The first time I read it, I thought, did I really write this? I knew that my sense of judgement was a bit skewed now that “The Dragon and the Snake” won such a huge competition. But each time I read through it, I understood that it’s not perfect, and that perhaps an extra paragraph or two would have given it more sustenance. But if you start thinking like that, then really, in the end, no piece of writing is perfect. You’ll end up analyzing specific word choices and sentence structures everywhere. EVERYWHERE. At some point, the story has to be “complete” and I’m just glad that my story “completed” as it did.
The first hurdle is always the most challenging to overcome, and now that my jumping legs are loose and have tasted that angle of success, I know I can get into the rhythm of it and eventually end up crossing hurdles that I’ve never imagined that I could conquer. Something I wrote brought in money, so I guess good old Stevie King now considers me as a respected writer. But the money is not important here—it’s all about the prestige and the realization that success in writing is actually possible. So make sure to fall asleep with a happy outlook on life, because apparently positive vibes can attract positive outcomes. Who knew?